Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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