omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
