There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
