I cannot find my penis.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
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