my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
