sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize