this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
