I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
