New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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