woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Last time i carry you out of a forest
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
