she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
