my mouth tastes like poor choices
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
the liver wants what the liver wants
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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