isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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