i permit you to call me
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
