she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
