How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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