The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize