She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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