i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
