I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I supernannyed him into submission
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
