So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Randomize
