girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
