He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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