i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
