I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
