Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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