I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
