there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
