the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
