I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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