fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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