I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
