Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
