just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
