Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
