i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
