Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Blood and glitter go together right?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
