Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
