worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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