hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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