Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
soo... how was my night?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
