K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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