All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
