Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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