You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
