her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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