I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Randomize
