just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
