dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
