fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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