I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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