Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
