I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I just want to make out with him forever
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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