she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
