If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
