I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
