Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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