He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
