apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
