At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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