We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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