You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
