i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
