so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
