he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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