Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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