Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
