soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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