The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize