dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
i drank out of a bidet.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
sex in a hospital.. check
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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