i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
