I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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